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How to Get Unfollowed on Twitter
The following is a guest post. Want to submit one? go here.
Twitter is kind of like the cyberspace version of the smokin’ hot student body president football star (or for you men out there, the drop-dead gorgeous cheerleading homecoming queen) that you gushed over your sophmore year in high school.
There are a lot of great things about Twitter, but I have to admit one of my favorite features is being able to unfollow the people who annoy me with their tweeting the very instant they annoy me. So, if you’re new to Twitter, here are seven reasons I’m going to unfollow you.
Don’t You Ever Take a Break?
Try pausing in between tweets. I’d say 20-plus tweets an hour seems excessive. Don’t you ever need a break to take care of some “business”? And please, don’t take the phone in there with you. Get a life, because I really don’t want to know you just popped a huge zip or ate a Big Mac? Maybe some people do, but I don’t.
Tweeting While Intoxicated.
Okay, so I have to admit, one or two drunken tweets can be amusing. Here’s the problem, Tweeting is kind of like a can of Pringles. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop. And while you’re sending mass tweets with more misspelled words than Courtney Love, I’m eating a Kit Kat singing ‘Give me a break …’
Don’t $#%% Swear.
Just don’t. It’s offensive. If you absolutely have to swear in your tweet, use $#%@*#*! symbols instead. Foul language is one of the best ways to ensure people stop following you.
I’m So Glad You’re Following Me!
If I decide to follow you on Twitter, please (pretty, pretty please) don’t send me a message thanking me for the follow or tell me about how excited you are that we can get to know each other better and you are so excited to have another follower. Odds are you are never going to get to know me better because I probably unfollowed you the minute I got your message.
You Lazy Dog.
If you haven’t updated in more than six months … I’m probably going to unfollow you. Please don’t take this personally, but really … what’s the point?
Bible Quoters.
I love Jesus. So do you. I know the Bible. So do you. But, do you really need to use your Twitter account to profess your love of all things holy? All day long? Really?
Breakup Notes.
Let’s just pretend I break rule #6 and spend all day professing my love of the Bible and it annoys the $#%@*#*! (see, I kept rule #3) out of you. You can stop following me whenever you want. But please, there is no reason for you to send me a breakup note. Don’t apologize for unfollowing me. Just leave quietly. Chances are I’ll never know you left. Sorry, but the truth hurts.
Nichole Nelson admits she’s a Twitter addict. When she’s not Twitter stalking, she enjoys learning graphic design, cooking and teaching her computer-illiterate husband about credit card processing.
About Missy
Missy Diaz is primarily a freelance writer (and blogger) that offers a popular guest blogging service to website owners. She also creates WordPress powered websites and blogs and is the author of Super Blogga, a fun action packed pocket guide aimed at new blog owners with over 70 bite size tips available as an ebook and on Amazon.
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